You Will....
I'm unsure if it was still December 2009 or the new year had begun.
I'm also unsure if I was talking to him on my cell or home phone. The ritual had become that my cell phone was turned off when he was angry. (I paid the bill...cell was in both our names )
"You WILL sign over this car to me!!" "You WILL!!"
I told him to bring my car back home or I would have to call the police and report it stolen. I was past the point of fighting....Things only continued to get worse and around Sept 2009 and forward it was a constant "battle".....
He screamed , "I'm taking this car to Florida and you WILL sign it over to me and mail me the title in Florida!!!"
So this time he was moving to Florida. Sometimes it was Arizona. The destination changed often....
I asked if he was giving up his job...(he was still in training )
I asked how he was going to live with no job .
I didn't have the money to sign the title over even if I wanted to (no, I didn't want to)
He just kept telling me , "You WILL sign it over to me !!!" "There are 3 cars in the drive way and not one is in my name!!"
I would tell him I'm not signing anything over , I paid for the cars (not all in driveway were mine..he counted any there) and he got to use them and I had been putting all the gas in the tanks....and I said something about the mortgage I paid too.....and the electric and the phone and water and food and insurance and cigarettes and his diet coke and his medical bills .......and his web site....(it was supposed to be in both our names but that never happened. Any donations he received he spent and I would pay for the hosting and the registration) Yeah, I'd get mad too and don't claim perfection...at times, enough is enough....
And now he had a job and he was running out on that....
I was too tired to fight anymore....
I looked at the clock and it was after midnight...too late to call his sister...
I told him to bring the car home or I would call the police....
He just screamed at me to go ahead and call them....he'd wreck the car....
I knew he would......
I had headaches so severe I couldn't function at times....nothing I was given took them away..nothing....(vicoden, cephadyn, are a couple I was prescribed)
I had lost so much weight I didn't recognize myself anymore.....
There had to be a stopping point. Nothing I said now was going to change anything....
So...this is had become "normal" everyday life....
"You WILL ....." , he screamed..... over any situation...
The thing is...I had help....I had others to talk to....I didn't know exactly what was going on anymore but I talked with his doctors, any hotline number I could find, family and friends to guide me when I didn't know what else to do.... I had talked with NAMI and the man I spoke with there gave me a lot of information...he explained that someone with a mental disorder doesn't think like we do....they can't. I tried to think like he was thinking..I couldn't do that. I had been told to be patient but to also make ground rules. If he didn't stay in counseling or take his meds I had to let him know that was a deal breaker.... the man ont he phone was extremely patient with me and finally after talking for a long time he said, "It's very different when the one you love who is going through this is a partner "
(his son was his concern) He gave me another number I may want to call.
I did...this woman was also very patient (with me) and gentle... then went on to tell me the family dynamic wasn't normal....our lives..all of our lives were completely revolving around him and his needs . His wants...his way....Everything and everyone stopped to take care of him. (not just those of us living under the same roof). I told her that I had made some changes a few months back and that was when things became worse.( He wasn't completely in control anymore.) I had told him he had to work, find a job and keep it. (He had to have a certain type in his mind) and he HAD to pay his part.... I think my closing remarks on that were, "I'm not your mom , I didn't take you to raise." (again, I'm not perfect and it shows)
The DV hotline gave me hope...but I got lost in that system somehow....but I had family and friends who told me to keep going, try this, do that...I'm here....
What about the women who don't have that? I really can't imagine what it's like for them.....how do they do it?
Incredibly strong women ......
Sad thing is you'll still find those who will stand up for the abuser. (I check my calendar when this happens to make sure it's not 1950.....) But, we have to understand /remember how charming they can be...it worked on us.....and we know they have moved on to their next victim....
DV is never ok....
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224
Here is another great link with lots of information:
A Woman With A Mission
I'm also unsure if I was talking to him on my cell or home phone. The ritual had become that my cell phone was turned off when he was angry. (I paid the bill...cell was in both our names )
"You WILL sign over this car to me!!" "You WILL!!"
I told him to bring my car back home or I would have to call the police and report it stolen. I was past the point of fighting....Things only continued to get worse and around Sept 2009 and forward it was a constant "battle".....
He screamed , "I'm taking this car to Florida and you WILL sign it over to me and mail me the title in Florida!!!"
So this time he was moving to Florida. Sometimes it was Arizona. The destination changed often....
I asked if he was giving up his job...(he was still in training )
I asked how he was going to live with no job .
I didn't have the money to sign the title over even if I wanted to (no, I didn't want to)
He just kept telling me , "You WILL sign it over to me !!!" "There are 3 cars in the drive way and not one is in my name!!"
I would tell him I'm not signing anything over , I paid for the cars (not all in driveway were mine..he counted any there) and he got to use them and I had been putting all the gas in the tanks....and I said something about the mortgage I paid too.....and the electric and the phone and water and food and insurance and cigarettes and his diet coke and his medical bills .......and his web site....(it was supposed to be in both our names but that never happened. Any donations he received he spent and I would pay for the hosting and the registration) Yeah, I'd get mad too and don't claim perfection...at times, enough is enough....
And now he had a job and he was running out on that....
I was too tired to fight anymore....
I looked at the clock and it was after midnight...too late to call his sister...
I told him to bring the car home or I would call the police....
He just screamed at me to go ahead and call them....he'd wreck the car....
I knew he would......
I had headaches so severe I couldn't function at times....nothing I was given took them away..nothing....(vicoden, cephadyn, are a couple I was prescribed)
I had lost so much weight I didn't recognize myself anymore.....
There had to be a stopping point. Nothing I said now was going to change anything....
So...this is had become "normal" everyday life....
"You WILL ....." , he screamed..... over any situation...
The thing is...I had help....I had others to talk to....I didn't know exactly what was going on anymore but I talked with his doctors, any hotline number I could find, family and friends to guide me when I didn't know what else to do.... I had talked with NAMI and the man I spoke with there gave me a lot of information...he explained that someone with a mental disorder doesn't think like we do....they can't. I tried to think like he was thinking..I couldn't do that. I had been told to be patient but to also make ground rules. If he didn't stay in counseling or take his meds I had to let him know that was a deal breaker.... the man ont he phone was extremely patient with me and finally after talking for a long time he said, "It's very different when the one you love who is going through this is a partner "
(his son was his concern) He gave me another number I may want to call.
I did...this woman was also very patient (with me) and gentle... then went on to tell me the family dynamic wasn't normal....our lives..all of our lives were completely revolving around him and his needs . His wants...his way....Everything and everyone stopped to take care of him. (not just those of us living under the same roof). I told her that I had made some changes a few months back and that was when things became worse.( He wasn't completely in control anymore.) I had told him he had to work, find a job and keep it. (He had to have a certain type in his mind) and he HAD to pay his part.... I think my closing remarks on that were, "I'm not your mom , I didn't take you to raise." (again, I'm not perfect and it shows)
The DV hotline gave me hope...but I got lost in that system somehow....but I had family and friends who told me to keep going, try this, do that...I'm here....
What about the women who don't have that? I really can't imagine what it's like for them.....how do they do it?
Incredibly strong women ......
Sad thing is you'll still find those who will stand up for the abuser. (I check my calendar when this happens to make sure it's not 1950.....) But, we have to understand /remember how charming they can be...it worked on us.....and we know they have moved on to their next victim....
DV is never ok....
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224
Here is another great link with lots of information:
A Woman With A Mission
Posted by N2itive1 at Thursday, June 03. 2010 
Categories: Domestic Violence
Tags: abuse domestic violence domestic abuse abused women
Categories: Domestic Violence
Tags: abuse domestic violence domestic abuse abused women
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