mysteriousworkings.com

Intuition and domestic violence.
I've been told my intuition did save me from even more grief. If only I had listened to it from the beginning....
He told me I was crazy. He loved me and would never hurt me in anyway.
He pushed and pushed for us to get married. I said I would.....someday.
He insisted and eventually we got a marriage license but I couldn't go through with it.....we told everyone we were and we wore wedding rings.

After his ex wife contacted me about the money he owed her things got bad. I'm not sure why really as I believed his story, not hers.
I received a message on his site (that's how his ex got in touch with me) and it wasa threat to me ....and she later threatened my son.
(This is a woman who he told me didn't care about anyone...not even her own daughters) She said she would call social services . She wanted to take my son from his home.

I told him he couldn't come back to my home anymore.....she was going to hurt my family...my son, because she was angry at him. He refused to take care of his problem with her and saw nothing wrong with her threats against me and my family.  

He saw nothing wrong with the threats against me and my family.....

When I asked him why anyone in their late 50's (old enough to know better and be an adult was my thinking) would come to me when they had a problem with him he made excuses for her...she was trying to get me to feel sorry for her and give her the money.

HUH?  Yes, that's what he said....
 When I asked why she threatened me and not him....he said, "That's just what she does."
HUH?  He had already told me how not many liked her and she was always in trouble with neighbors...but I still couldn't understand why anyone would come after me and my family if they were angry at him....it made sense to him though....

He then told me about something she thought was fun to do. They would be driving down the road and she would open her car door on someone riding a bike or scooter...as if she was trying to knock them off or at least scare them. These were strangers to her and not someone she had a grudge against.

He said he thought it was disgusting and he wasn't a part of it. He stayed with her though.

Things were just getting to crazy....I didn't want it in my home anymore. He wasn't going to do anything about his problem and he certainly wasn't going to do anything to protect us.....

He went back to Florida again...and his site went down the same day he was leaving. He said it was hacked but I believed he was protecting his ex....it's against the law to communicate a threat and in the state of Florida it's a felony to call DSS to make false accusations about a child when the person making the call is angry at an adult in the home.

My site was taken down too...all I had was lost..all emails etc....some were from her.

Who was he protecting and why? He was the one that had access to both sites. He was an admin on mine as well.....

Previous violent relationships are one of the signs to look for in a batterer.

I was asked if my partner had previous violent relationships. Not that he would have told me.....
The violence in his marriage was because of his wife according to him. (they were together for more than 20 years) He told me the police were called several times to their home/s.....I asked who made the call and he said it was usually the neighbors.
He never said he was a part of it, he never said he hit her, he never said it was ever his fault...it was ALWAYS hers. She was a real bitch according to him (yes, those were his words) The only time he called the police was when she attempted suicide because he was going to leave her.

I believed him.

He had told me many things about his ex wife that had me thinking she wasn't a very nice person.
He told me she had left her two young daughters to run away with him . (They were 8 and 10 years old at the time)
She had told them she was going on vacation and then didn't return. They had been living with her.
His story was that they had met, lived together for a while and he told her he was moving on and she wanted to go with him.
And she did.

He told me she was a scam artist and told me in detail how she worked .

He told me she screamed at everyone, everywhere and that's why the police were called so often. The neighbors also called not just when they were fighting but she fought with everyone.

I believed him.

She had contacted me once to tell me  how much money he owed her....I told her it was none of my business and to take it up with him.  He told me she was making it up.

I believed him.

Maybe if I had known what signs to watch for, the patterns of his life or the parts he told me about, I would have never gotten so deeply involved with him.

Many of the signs are listed here.  The previous violent relationship/s, calls to police, threatening to leave/leaving, withholding money or using someones  money. The suicide attempt  was hers, or that's what he told me anyway....

Domestic Violence is never OK
 If you or someone you know is frightened about something in your relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

"Go for it now." 

 

 "The future is promised to no one."

~Wayne W. Dyer~ 

Just a quick update..... I haven't had much time to be online....I'll post pictures and comments after this trip.
I'll be out of town until Monday.
Enjoy the week-end

~N2itive1~

Quick Involvement

Many victims of abuse dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were engaged or living together. The abuser will often claim 'love at first sight', that you are 'made for each other', or that you are the only person whom he could ever talk to so openly, feel so at home with, could understand him so well. He/she may tell you that they have never loved anyone so much or felt so loved by anyone so much before, when you have really only known each other for a short amount of time. He/she needs someone desperately, and will pressure you to commit to him/her or make love before you feel the relationship has reached 'that stage'. He/she may also make you feel guilty for not committing yourself to him/her.http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Abuser/signs.htm

I didn't see the signs...or maybe I did and just ignored them.
The first thing was a very quick involvement. He told me he loved me very quickly and insisted I was in love with him as well. When I told him I didn't love him and it would take time to know him before I could even consider that he still insisted I was in love with him. "You know you love me" is what he said.
We hadn't even met in person yet. We began talking online. He has a site I went to and that's how we met.

My reason for being online  so much? I had just had a cerebral  aneurysm surgery and couldn't do much of anything else. I wasn't allowed to drive, I couldn't read as I once had, ( books were always with me before and I usually read more than one at a time....the surgery made it so my short term memory was non-existent for a while)  all my activities had come to a complete stop. And I mean everything.....my youngest son, who was 10 at the time, had to learn to do most things for himself. I had help from family when they could yet on a daily basis we were on our own. He even did his own laundry   I can't tell you how many trips I took each day to check the mail  Sleeping was a problem too with all the medications I had to take. So I went to the computer ...I was able to focus on the short burst of information I found there .(even if it didn't stay in my mind for long)

He knew this about me.

I had been absent from his site for about a week  (I was in hospital with pneumonia and pleurisy) and he sent me a pm asking where I was.....we hadn't talked much up to that point but this is the time it became a daily occurrence. (hourly actually)
Of course I was flattered...... There were other women he talked too on his site and others that he said he loved too. He denied this of course but some came to me and let me know...even shared the emails he sent to them with me)
He loved me and was sure I was in love with him. Nothing I said made a difference. He decided he wanted us to meet in person. Yes, I also wanted to meet. I thought this would be fun. He lived too far away for anything to really come of it and it was perfect for me at that time in my life. I wasn't looking for a relationship...too much going on in my life.

We met. It was wonderful! Lots of fun, laughing, playing.....we enjoyed each others company.
This was in mid  April....he wanted to move in after a few visits. I said I wasn't ready....it was too soon. We continued to see  each other and talk by phone and online. Things got too intense for several reasons and I broke it off in June.

No, it wasn't over....

After we hadn't  seen each other for awhile he sent me this:
(yes, it had been 100 days exactly)
Here Without You

Deity

Song: Deity
Artist: Wendy Rule
Album: Deity

When the moon is lit
On the eastern side
And I slowly
Am centering, centering

When the Goddess pulls
With the waning tide
And I fall and
I'm willingly entering

Night
The dark
The womb
It's hllow

It's here
I've followed
A voice
To follow

I am the maiden
I am the mother
I'm the crone

I am the sea
I am the sky
I am the blood
I am the moon

Never alone
Never alone
Never alone

When the moon is lit
On the westeren side
And she's slowly
Is brightening, brightnening

When the earth is full
With the waxing tide
And I breath with it
Ripening, ripening

Sea
With nector
In the water

The old
An the new
Held by
Her daughter

I am the maiden
I am the mother
I'm the crone

I am the sea
I am the sky
I am the blood
I am the moon

Never alone
Never alone
Never alone

I am the maiden
I am the mother
I'm the crone

I am the sea
I am the sky
I am the blood
I am the moon

I am the sea
I am the sky
I am the blood
I am the moon

I am the maiden
I am the mother
I am the crone

I am the sea
I am the sky
I am the blood
I am the moon

Never alone
Never alone
Never alone

You see things and say, ‘Why?”,

but I dream things and say, ‘Why not?’

George Bernard Shaw

CLAYTON, N.C. - Sheriff's investigators say the marriage was deteriorating at the Clayton home where a father, mother and their 15-year-old son were all found dead this morning, victims of an apparent murder-suicide.

Amaon said deputies had been to the home in response to domestic disturbances four times since April. The latest call came on Saturday at 3:30 p.m., when Devinee House called 911

There was no indication that drugs or alcohol were involved any of the times Devinee House called the police, Amaon said, and none of the calls indicated violence was involved.

more here

Domestic Violence is never ok....

Help is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. 
Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands.
Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through interpreter services.
If you or someone you know is frightened about something in your relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224